Divorce

This week, I’ve come to understand more about divorce and remarriage. Here are a few statistics about divorce in the United States.

70% of couples say it wasn’t a good idea to divorce 2 years post divorce

70% of men are remarried prior to divorce

½ of all marriages in the United States end in divorce

What are some of your thoughts about these statistics?

I think these stats are very interesting to comprehend. In my opinion, divorce is becoming more of a trend in our country. There are many different reasons that couples get a divorce. Some causes of divorce include; socioeconomic status, age at marriage, social integration, race, infidelity, conflict, changed feelings and perspectives, and emotional problems, etc. A cause of divorce that stands out to me the most is age at marriage. As I have been attending BYU-Idaho, I have heard many couples get a divorce because of the age they were when they got married. Many couples of my faith tend to get married at a younger age because of our beliefs. In general, couples that get married at a younger age do not necessarily comprehend the responsibility that comes with the commitment that they make. Of course, there are couples that fully anticipate the responsibilities that they will undergo but personally, I am not married and I can’t imagine getting married at a young age. But, there are those that definitely make the relationship work and last who do get married at a younger age. What are some of your thoughts of those that get divorce because of the age at marriage? Another cause of divorce that stood out to me was socioeconomic status. Finances play a major role in a relationship and when needs aren’t met it can create a serious conflict between the couple. Have you had experiences with the stress of finances in your marriage if you are married? What seems to work for you and what do you recommend?

In general, divorce can be a very hard experience for an individual. I have known couples in my own life that have gone through a divorce. Being on the outside of what they had experienced, it is always hard to see them go through such a trying time. I think it is so important that we are aware of their needs as they go through this difficult time. I know that when we are there for those who are struggling especially with divorce it helps them feel that they are not alone. We need to think more of others as our friends, family, and others who might go through this experience. What do you think are some ways that you can help those who are struggling with divorce? If you have or are currently going through a divorce, what has helped you to overcome or helped you to move forward through this stressor?

In conclusion, There is a quote that I would love to share and it is from President Gordon B. Hinckley. He said, "Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way." As an individual accepts the trial of divorce, it can help them to move forward in their lives. I think forgiving yourself plays a major role in this process of divorce. This can help the individual to adjust and help them recognize their worth. I hope that we as individuals can empathize with those that have gone through divorce. I cannot express this enough because we need to not let individuals go through something like this on their own.

Parenting

I wanted to start this post with a couple of questions. What is the purpose of parenting? Is there more than one purpose? Who is affected by parenting? I asked my sister this question because she has two kids and she said one of the purposes of parenting is to help them prepare for their future. In my opinion, one of the purposes of parenting is to help children understand how to learn and grow. I believe that there are many other purposes to parenting as well. Parenting is more than just teaching your children. It is showing unconditional love and trying your best to establish a healthy relationship with them. What are some of your thoughts? I think everyone of us is affected by parenting, no matter if you’re in the family or not, whether you are the parent or not. Everyone is affected because parenting is such a big part of our lives that we ourselves can posses those parenting values and everything else that comes with parenting. We take with us the things we learn from our parents throughout our lives.

            I also wanted to share the effects of parenting through the child’s mistaken approach, the child’s need, and the parental approach. First, the child can show under attention seeking, rebellion, control of others, and even revenge. The child’s need includes; contact belonging, challenge, power, protection, and withdrawal. The parental approach includes; offering contact freely, teaching to contribution, chores, consequences, assertiveness, and forgiveness. I loved learning about this in class because it helped me be aware of these things as I plan on approaching parenting in the future.

            I wanted to share a quote from President Thomas S. Monson. He said, "To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them." Even though I don’t have kids, I love this quote because it is the duty as parents to love and care for their children. With that being said, how can we determine the best ways in which to approach parenting challenges and opportunities? For me personally, I am a religious person and from what I believe, it is important that we approach parenting challenges and opportunities with the gospel of Jesus Christ. I think we should strive to approach these things as the Savior would. When I become a parent, I want to be able to share that Christ-like love to my children and show them that they can always come to me for anything. I want my children to feel that they can be open with me. This is important to me because I know that they can learn so much from themselves, from me, and from what they are going through at the moment.

            Growing up, I was blessed with wonderful parents. They taught me so many things that has always stuck with me. I owe my parents everything because they really knew what was best for me. From their parenting styles, I’ve learned that it is important to share unconditional love towards anyone you come in contact with and always strive to be a good example. There are many other things that I’ve learned from them growing up and there are still things that I continue to learn from them. I will always be grateful for that.

Fathers and Finances

This week, I’ve come to better understand the importance of fathers and the importance of providing for a family. I wanted to first share my thoughts about fathers. In mine own experience, I have been so blessed to have a wonderful father figure in my life. I have learned so much from my own father and I am so grateful for that. There have been many other fathers that have had an influence in my life and I don’t think I would be in the position I’m in today if it wasn’t for them and their example. Fathers are an important figure in our life because we need them in our own families. We need their example of leadership, sacrifice, love, service, and their many other characteristics. What I love about fathers is how strong they are. They are strong to take care of their family and strong in taking the responsibility to provide. My father has taught me to serve and sacrifice. This is something that I will always remember because it helps us to be prepared for our own lives as we continue to grow and progress. I will forever be grateful for fathers and their support that they give. I know that it is essential to have them in a family. How has your father or fathers’ influenced you in your life?

In regards to providing for yourself and our own family, I wanted to share this quote with you and it is from President Thomas S. Monson. He says, "We do live in turbulent times. Often the future is unknown; therefore, it behooves us to prepare for uncertainties. Statistics reveal that at some time, for a variety of reasons, you may find yourself in the role of financial provider. I urge you to pursue your education and learn marketable skills so that, should such a situation arise, you are prepared to provide." I love this quote because it is important that we do all that we can to prepare to be self reliant. Personally, I relate to this quote a lot because I have been striving to continue my education and attain certain skills to help me be prepared to provide for a family that I will have in the future. I know that I have grown so much because of it. I know that when we pursue an education and learn certain skills it will help us tremendously. The principle of hard work has always been prevalent in my life. If we work hard and do what we can to reach our goals then we can help our own marriage and family to do the same. What are some of your thoughts about this topic?

Finances have a profound influence on the family. It can create so much stress in your life because of the constant worry of making ends meet. If we effectively communicate to one another about these finances then it can be so helpful to make those ends meet. I do not have my own family yet but I think we all struggle at some point in our lives to be financially stable. As I have said before, those that are preparing for marriage and family need to understand that we need all the experience we can get to be able to provide for one another someday. Preparing is something that we will all continue to do throughout our lives. As we prepare we will be able to better manage our finances. What are some of the experiences you’ve had when dealing with finances and being prepared to provide for a family?

Communication

To start, communication is something that we use everyday. I wanted to discuss the role communication has within the family. There is a quote by President Ezra Taft Benson and it says, "Your most important friendships should be with your own brothers and sisters and with your father and mother. Love your family. Be loyal to them. Have a genuine concern for your brothers and sisters. Help carry their load so you can say, like the lyrics of the song, 'He ain't heavy; he's my brother'." I love this quote because it helps us understand that our relationships within the family are very important. We should not take lightly the relationships we have with others. I heard once from someone that, “we should never treat any relationship as temporary.” This is something I will always remember. Every since I heard this phrase, I have never forgotten it because I know that this is so true. In general, even though you meet certain people that you might not like or don’t know as well it is important that you seek to get to know that person. They may need you and you may need them. In my own life, I know that communicating with those in my family has improved my life.

From my family relations class, I learned that there are three types of communication, which are; our words, our tone, and our non-verbal communication. Each aspect consists of a percentage which all add up to 100%. When we communicate, we use 14% words, 35% tone, and 51% non-verbal communication. I thought this is interesting because we use non-verbal communication the most. Our body language when we communicate is a key element to how we communicate. Our body language can send negative or positive vibes when we are conversing with one another. In my opinion, this is where we may see problems that may arise as we communicate. Understanding the roles of tone and non-verbal communication in our own family communication can help improve the quality of our relationships. Throughout my life, I have always heard that “communication is key”. And whoever started saying this, it IS key to the quality of our relationships.

I also learned from my class that there are five secrets in communicating. The first secret is the disarming technique or the kernel or truth, the second one is to express empathy, and the third is to inquire or talk more. The first 3 secrets all fall under the word empathy. The fourth secret falls under assertiveness which we recognize when, how we feel/felt, why, and the “I would like”. For example, I would like hope. The fifth secret falls under respect which it to express genuine/authentic admiration. As we understand and apply these five secrets in our communication with others we can be able to effectively communicate. What are some ways you improve communication with others and especially with those in your family?

We can apply these principles within our relationships in the family. I know that those of you may not have the greatest relationships with those in your family but I know that when you try and do your best to become closer to them it will bless your life. Life is too short to not try and communicate with those that you will always love. From my experience, I know that communication is something that I will always struggle with but as I continue to practice and do my part it will benefit not only myself but those that I contact with in my family. It is important that we strive to think of others in our family and how we can improve the relationships we have with them.

           

Family Life and Sexual Intimacy

This week in class, we discussed sexual intimacy and family life. I found this topic to be important to discuss because it is essential to the family. I love this quote by President Henry B. Eyring. He said, “Just as Jesus used a child in His mortal ministry as an example for the people of the pure love they must and could have to be like Him, He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is." I love this quote because the family is central to His plan and our plan. The family is a place where we learn to love and be loved by those around us. It is one of the safest places to teach your children of love and sexual intimacy. With that being said, I think it is important that we are willing to be open to talk about this with our children and family. In my opinion, I would want my children to first learn and understand the purpose of love and sexual intimacy within marriage from my spouse and I. I want to make sure that they are open with me about this subject because I don’t want them to first learn it form their peers. What are some of your thoughts about educating your children? How and at what ages would you educate them?

On another note, throughout class, we also discussed how there can be many challenges to early marital intimacy. For example, miscommunication between the husband and wife of how and when it is appropriate. This can create a strain in the relationship. Another challenge might be not being aware of each other’s needs regarding sexual intimacy. These challenges could possibly lead to infidelity in marriage. So how can we protect marriage from infidelity of any kind? This is just something to think about because there are many ways to protect marriage. Honestly, from my perspective one of the biggest ways we can protect marriage from infidelity is communicating with one another. Having that solid communication with your spouse is essential in marriage. I feel that my generation has a problem with effective communication. I have heard many times that “communication is key”. I truly believe this statement. I hope that I can continue to improve my communication skills with any relationship that I have so that I can help myself prepare for marriage.

I just want to say that sexual intimacy and family life is a sensitive topic. We should not take it likely though because it is very serious. From what I believe, God has blessed us with this wonderful gift. We have the opportunity to create our own individual families with this divine gift and I am so grateful for that. The family is central as we learn about this gift. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the principles that I have learned that continue to guide and help me in my relationships with others. It continues to bless my life in helping me to not only protect myself but also to protect others. I am so grateful for the things that I have been taught in class because it has helped me to prepare for my own family. I hope that we can remember these things to help us in our own families and daily life.